she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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