so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
