I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
