I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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