Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
wow bdsm is so cute
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
