hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
