Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
