Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
