And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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