Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I faked an abortion last night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
