he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
