We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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