I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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