At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Holy sore nipples Batman
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
