I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ttyl tear gas
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
