A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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