i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
