This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
