i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
