I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize