I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
