i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
