just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
