Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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