While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
