I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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