he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
