I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
