I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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