Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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