White coat. Heels.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
