When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have fence marks all over my body
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
