Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize