you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
