we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
