I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize