please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize