Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
