I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
