When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
