I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
