consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
