All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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