i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
