She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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