went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize