the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
