3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
