OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize