Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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