Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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