You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
