Your face is a jimmy john
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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