She is in my trunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize