can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
