He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
