mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
