I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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