im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
