So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
