What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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