Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
