Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
