hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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