I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
