Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
