worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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