At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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