This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
