Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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