I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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