Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize