I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
