Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
