Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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