If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
