Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
