oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
