bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
