I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
