You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
