Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
