Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
