so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
