he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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