does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
