giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my nose is crying tears of wow.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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