I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
