my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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