it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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