My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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