were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
